Attendance has slowed at the Arlington Heights club recently, though we had an actual club contest for the first time in a few years.  After going past 30 members prior to the April dues renewal, we are almost 20 renewed and it is possible we can have as many as 25 renewed altogether.  With 5 Distinguished Club points already achieved, we should get Distinguished Club status for this year (for the first time in 5 years).  With our Club President already finished his Competent Communicator requirements last week and several close to achieving their CCs and Competent Leader awards, we should be able to reach Select Distinguished Club!  Next challenge – find some members to step up and take officer roles in July.

North Suburban, on the other hand, has been struggling with attendance since last Fall.  Many who have joined within the last year stopped attending, few of which indicated they’re returning to school and don’t have time for Toastmasters.  The VP Education stepped down due to work and family demands and her assistant has been MIA.  A couple of key members devoted most of last Fall on the last District 30 conference as they were on the committee, and when they attended the club meetings were more focused on getting the members to go to the conference, which was close by, than getting them to attend the club meetings and work the program.  The Club President has been scratching his head and have been asking the longest serving member (28 years) and myself for some guidance – I suggested that there should be more communication with the members as I’ve seen very little, resulting in meeting agendas with plenty of open roles.  Attendance has picked up last month, now the question is how many of the current members are renewing.  I could see at least 14 out of 28 renewing, not sure if most of the others are planning to continue.  Not having a full-time Area Governor has made it more difficult – the original one stepped down, his replacement appeared to have stepped down after the Fall Conference, and now the original one is back in an acting role and he himself is competing in the Area Contest!

I have submitted my presentation proposal for the District 30 Spring Conference on using social media for Toastmasters, not sure when they’ll notify me on their acceptance.  Regardless, I should start preparing after Easter (when curling season ends) and get back to giving speeches, something that I planned to do this year that I failed to do so far!

But how about those who have “been there, done that”, whether it is taking on every meeting role, serving as a club officer (especially President) or a district office, or dealing with numerous situations with other members?  If it’s OK to try and try better again, how long should we be doing this until we either get it absolutely correct or give up?

As I mentioned in some of the previous entries, there are some things in Toastmasters that I’ve been involved in the past that I don’t want to do again, such as holding a District 30 office or a committee role or serving as a Club President.  As mentioned in the most recent entry, I’ve reacquainted myself with Marcus Buckingham and since that time I purchased his most recent book “Go Put Your Strengths to Work”.  Throughout the book, Marcus stressed that what we should be focusing is what we enjoy doing and if there is something that has drained or aggravate us, regardless of whether we are good at it, we should stop or at least try to avoid that.

This does contradict what we in Toastmasters are preaching to our guests and our newer members, however as a 10-year member who seemed to has seen everything and dealt with an enormous amount of situations, I tend to evaluate what in Toastmasters I enjoy doing and what has aggravated me.  One thing that has annoyed me recently in my primary club is that many of the other members seem to typecast me as someone who is still deeply involved in Toastmasters.  I skipped both April meetings as I had some conflicts and when I returned for the first May meeting, there were a few members that asked me if I left town last month, as if I don’t have anything else going on besides Toastmasters!

The book reinforced my current Toastmasters direction that I want to get involved in my own terms and focus on the work that gives me fun and enjoyment.  It doesn’t mean I’ll stop taking on new challenges, for instance I told my primary club that I want to serve as next year’s VP of Public Relations as I never held that position and have some ideas we could try, while I’m not interested in serving as Club Secretary again as I feel obligated to attend nearly every meeting and reinforce what other members think of me.  I will still encourage other Toastmasters to try something that they never done which they may find intimidating, in the hopes they will grow and find something that they can build on as a Toastmasters member and beyond.  If they went through that experience several times and not enjoy it, I’ll understand if they don’t want to go through it again.

This question was something that I was asking myself in recent months.  After over 9 years in this organization, I’ve accomplished a whole lot more than I envisioned when I first started in 1999.  When I first joined TM I never thought I would get to be a club officer, then I never thought to be a Club President, then an Area and Division Governor.  Through my role as a District officer as well as other roles in District 30, I got to know plenty of people from all parts of the district, making many friends and learning a whole lot of how our organization works.  Getting District 30 Toastmaster of the Year was something I didn’t think I would ever reach as out of over 3000 members in the district, there had to be someone that accomplished more than I did in 2005.  And it was only around 2004 that I felt I could achieve my DTM and accomplished that two years later.  I felt I reached the pinnacle in Toastmasters to the point where I wasn’t sure there was anything else for me to do.

A lot of people over the years suggested that I should run for top 3 in District 30.  However in the last couple of years I was not happy with some of the people running District 30 and the direction they’re going to the point I vowed never to get involved with them again.  I also was not happy with the Arlington Heights club, single-handedly keeping the club alive two years ago and felt the pressure from other members to continue carrying the weight even though I was no longer the Club President or a VP.  It got to the point where I seriously considered dropping out of Toastmasters after this past June 30th, something that would shock many who knew me throughout the years.

After struggling with this choice I decided to remain involved. I felt I need to continue working on my speaking and leadership skills, taking advantage of attending my club meetings more to enhance my skills rather than to simply fill in the open spots.  I also realized that while I’ve had some major issues with some of the people running District 30, there are a lot more in the district that I like and would like to continue helping out.  Being someone who was deeply involved in District 30 over the years, I felt it was my duty to share plenty of knowledge and experience I learned over the years, with this blog being one way to express them.

However that would require me to continue changing what I can do and cannot do for Toastmasters, something that I already started at this time last year after finishing a 2nd term as Area Governor.  I already stopped attending District 30 events such as the conferences and the most recent Summer TLI, partly because there are people involved in these events I didn’t want to be associated with, but also having attended them throughout the years I was no longer willing to “go through the motions” and dealing with the same things over and over again.  The only way I could see myself attending these events is if someone in my clubs or who I hold dearly is competing in the contests or is getting an award such as their DTM ribbon.  I also want to set limits as to what I could do to help my two clubs as I’ll be willing to assist and mentor others but in a way in which the current club members don’t depend on me to pick up their slack or waiting for me to do something for them – which was a problem I saw at the Arlington Heights club this past year.  Instead of focusing on making sure everyone is doing their job and fixing their ways, something that I’ve been known to do, I want them to learn from their own doings.

For me to remain in Toastmasters, I had to change the way I’ve been doing things over the years otherwise not only I’d go past the end of the road, I’d be going over the cliff!  I felt that at this point in my Toastmasters journey I could still be involved in the organization, but only in the way that I want to, not have to.

A few years ago, I was told by a past District 30 Governor that a club in another district had a problem with a member who had Tourette Syndrome and his behavior turned off most of the members. However the club never voted him in, so when they voted to kick him out, he took the entire Toastmasters organization to court and won his lawsuit. Well you may think your club has the same chance of that ever happening as pigs fly or the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series, so I’ll tell you an actual incident involving one of my clubs that I believe has a greater chance of occurring – underage members.

In the summer of 2006, the Arlington Heights/Rolling Meadows club (as it was called then as we were in Rolling Meadows at the time) signed up a young female member who was very enthusiastic about giving speeches to the point where the day she submitted her application, she gave her Icebreaker. She then asked me as Club President if there are other clubs nearby in which she can give speeches during the summer, which I happily mentioned that there are plenty of speaking opportunities as attendance in many clubs are low during that time of the year. The next meeting, she gave her second speech and even gave an evaluation! She also mentioned that she was scheduled to speak in a couple of other clubs within the next couple of weeks, plus she signed up for another speech at our next club meeting!

I became somewhat suspicious of her, not only wondering what her motivation was to give speeches at every opportunity, but also whether she was at least 18 years old. I mentioned to some of the other club members about my suspicions which they seem to agree but I also felt uncomfortable asking her about her age as I remember taking heat many years ago at my previous job about asking female co-workers how old they were. Plus she did sign her membership application that acknowledged among other things that she was at least 18 years old (for those not in Toastmasters, you have to be at least 18 to join).

The day after she gave her 2nd speech, I received a phone call from the president of a corporate club about her inquiring about giving speeches there, a club that was further from those she was scheduled to speak and one that I didn’t mention to her as a place to give speeches. The president there was wondering what was with her, I mentioned that I’m wondering that myself so I actually called her. I first asked her what her goals in Toastmasters were, which she replied that she wants to be a DTM someday. I then asked her if she was over 18, which she did answer yes to then I explained that I had some concern about it. She then brought up her concern about the evaluation she got for her previous speech, which was a thought-provoking speech about her battles with anorexia and bulimia. During that conversation I brought up that we have the honor system in doing things, i.e. we don’t grade people on their speeches to where if they did a bad job they had to repeat, it was up to the speaker to decide if redoing the speech is necessary. A few minutes after our call, she called me to ask me what my address is so she can mail something to me. I started asking myself what in the world is going on! Did I say something that offended her?

The next day, I got an e-mail from someone in a club she was suppose to speak at in which she pulled out because she was “unqualified to participate in Toastmasters International”. I called her and left her a message but there was no return call. The day after I got a letter from her – she admitted that she was at that time 15 years old!

She mentioned during the letter she wanted her explanation to be heard so I’ll give an excerpt of it:

I recently recovered from anorexia and bulimia this past spring. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I live in Rolling Meadows and have been afraid of judgment, hard work, and independence all my life. After the eating disorder I learned something that I have found essential for living. That is called courage, to do the thing that you are most afraid of. For me that was public speaking. So I did it.

Another reason that particularly like Toastmasters was the environment. I do not feel connected with students my age because of their immaturity about the truth and their fear of doing what’s right. I personally do not understand how some people could continue living the way they do in a fake sense of security. Toastmasters was like a breath of fresh air, where I could converse with my equals. People like yourselves that contain intelligence, maturity, and insight. But it wasn’t all that I had expected. I learned a lot about how the adult mind works, no doubt.

So even if we mentioned that there is Youth Leadership for people her age to participate, she would not be interested. My guess was that someone in her household overheard our phone conversation, particularly with her age, and told her to fess up which was probably why she called me right after that to obtain my address. Perhaps by hearing about the honor system she felt she needed to stop living a lie.

We were fortunate that she decided not to go further along with Toastmasters; otherwise we would have to deal with possible legal action if we kicked her out. The Arlington Heights club didn’t vote in members prior to this letter, since then we are doing it – no one in the club has ever questioned why.

If there is one other advice I could share with you, it is don’t be afraid to ask someone in Toastmasters their age if you are suspicious that the person is younger than 18.

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